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Marshall "Club Baseball All-Star" Dalziel - Donkey Punching Kangaroos
The shitty commish as some call him. He rules with an iron fist but no one respects him. Marshall once broke his hand because he ran into a fence, hence his twitter handle (Irunintofences). He also played club baseball at the U for four years and thought he was good, but then he realized he was playing against JV hopefuls. Marshall picks his fantasy lineup off of projections rather than who the actual players are. This strategy failed him miserably last year as his team was tied with Rustad for the bottom dwellers. Marshall currently resides in the Twin Cities where he works at a liquor store where he makes little to no money and pays a lot of money to attend grad school. Some call it the American Dream, he calls it being poor.
Micah "Choke City" Megorden - Chubby Mahomie
Choke City or Big Mike as most call him is the life of the party. When you hear Cupid Shuffle over the speakers at a party/bar/club you know Mike is going to hit that floor harder than anyone before him. Mike was finally able to win last year after multiple years of choking when it matters most, Marshall tended to be his kryptonite until Marshall had an awful team which paved Mike's way to the ship. Mike works at some healthcare company doing something that makes him money. He also once started to train for a marathon and soon realized it is far faster to drive 26.2 miles than run 26.2 miles. Look out for Mike to have a good team but if Marshall is in the playoffs he will once again lose when it matters most.
Kyle "Club Hockey All-Star" Ambrosie - Lost and Leaderless
Que "Oh Canada" before you start reading. The only canuck of the group has lived the life since his JR year of High School. He went back to the motherland for two years to play hockey and become the second D1 athlete of the family. After they told him he extended his welcome he headed to the East Coast to play hockey there. After a year of Clam Chowder and Sam Adams he took his talents to Tucson, AZ where he fulfilled his dream of D1 hockey, but at the club hockey level. A lifelong Dman they moved him to forward for his nimble speed and the sickest wrister west of the Mississippi. After two years he decided to hang it up and move back to the FM area because he missed Nicole. Now he is in year 5 or so of his degree in engineering, no idea how he is smart enough to do that. Secretly I believe he is just living off Nicole's success and coaches hockey to show everyone how good he once was.
Brandon "The Transfer" MacLeod - Dylan Dilly Bop Deavy
MacLeod joined the league last year and is fitting in just well. In high school Macleod was "too good" to play hockey in West Fargo so he transferred to Moorhead to get that D1 offer. Like most kids he found out what alcohol was and those dreams went down the drain like his insides after a night of Karkov and Boxer. After high school he attended Concordia where he somehow graduated with a business degree and even got a job. Today he continues drinking but has upgraded to Coors Light and Svedka. He is still stuck in the glory days of high school, maybe one day he will finally move on.
Andrew "D1" Strand - Two Defenses One Kupp
Strand is the only Division 1 athlete out of the group. It is really hard to believe that he was the only one to make it, but hats off to him for getting there. Strand is into some underground rap music and seems to know a lot about every sport we talk about. Andrew is currently studying to become a teach and probably doing a lot better than Marshall in that category. He coaches hockey where his claim to fame is scoring 4 goals in his last mite hockey game, he then decided to hang up the skates after a once in a lifetime performance. He now gets kids to attempt his feat at a much higher level, but no one has been able to come close under his reign.
Brooks "Sunshine" Miller - California Dreamboats
Miller is also known at "The Rat." Miller was the ideal athlete going into High School, was the starting SS and Pitcher on the baseball field, the QB of the football team and was J.J. Redick on the hardwood. The only downside was as other kids got bigger and stronger he stayed at about 130 pounds on a good day. He ended up being the 3rd string QB and starting PG on his Church League team. But coaches find talent and Brooks ended up at UM-Crookston on a baseball scholarship under the great Chris Vito. In Miller's first year he finish second in school history in single season wins on the mound with 3.... In his second year he took a 90+ mph fastball to the forearm which broke his arm and hung up the cleats. Miller after bouncing around found his home with the snowbirds and Rustad while producing radio shows. Oh I almost forgot, he has a really cool blue Mustang he gets to drive. You could say he is living the dream.
Grant "The Blonde Kid" Borgen - Chrameis GodWinston
Grant grew up with 3 sisters so you can feel a little sorry for him. During that time he got really good at Pokemon on the GameBoy and learned how to sweet talk the ladies. In high school he played football and Church League basketball. One thing that he is still proud of to this day is that he was the number 3 drummer in the world in Rock Band. After High School he took his talents to Boston College where he tried so many times but could not win any intramural championships. He majored in business where he was able to secure a desk job making a lot of money in the Twin Cities. He now owns an apartment downtown, has season tickets to the Wolves and drives a BMW. I mean can you think of a cooler life than he has had so far? Oh and he is becoming the number 1 Twins fan even though he does not watch the games.
Tyler "Hooded Bandit" Rustad - Keenan and Bell
A.K.A Auto-Pick King, Tyler is the Taco of our league as you are almost guaranteed a win when you play Tyler. In the past two seasons Tyler has piled up a whopping 6 wins. He has said multiple times he is just building for the future but this is the first year we will do a keeper league, whatever helps you sleep at night. Tyler is looking to win more than 3 games this season as he has the 7th pick of the draft. He was a great golfer in High School but when he went to St. Cloud State he found out what booze and Netflix were and that's all she wrote. Now Tyler resides in sunny Arizona where he hangs out with the local snowbirds.
Jesse "Notre Dame" Doschadis - Watson Your Wallet
Jesse was the guy in high school that tried to be really good at sports but was replaced at QB by a lefty and was a 3rd line grinder on the hockey team. His claim to fame is scoring a goal at the State Hockey Tournament as a senior. His goal in life was to be the starting QB at Notre Dame but we all know where this story goes. Even though he had a huge heart and was 5'9" in High School he decided to walk on at Concordia and play in the secondary. We thought maybe he would be the next Rudy but he decided he was going to pay over $45,000 a year on school he would stay closer to home. Once he graduated he secured a big boy job in Bum Fuck Nowhere MN being in charge of an old folks home. On the weekends you can find him cuddling with his dog, hunting or stealing his neighbor's wifi. Yes, he steals his neighbor's wifi even though he has a full time job. It wouldn't surprise us if he slaps a sign on his way to work that says "Play like a champion today," to make him feel like he is at Notre Dame.
Alan McCaulley - Unsolicited Dak Pics
A 2019 new owner to fill the role Dylan left, Alan joins the league with a lot of experience since he CHOSE D2. Alan was the starting Right Tackle at SMSU where to this day he will show you his impeccable pass blocking. He now lives in the hood where he has two dogs and a wife, straight up living the American Dream. In the last 3 years Alan has lived in 2 apartments and 2 houses, his oldest dog Bella doesn't actually know what a "True" home is as shes always on the move. He currently sells technology to places like your local nursery and recently decided to coach baseball... the head coach must have been desperate for help. If you give him enough Stoli he will belt out the greatest rendition of Happy Birthday, highly highly recommend for the entertainment value alone. He definitely showed he belonged in the group at the draft where he shotgunned beers as if they were shots of Stoli.
Gone But Not Forgotten
Dylan "Dilly Bop" Deavy - 2015-2018
The shitty commish as some call him. He rules with an iron fist but no one respects him. Marshall once broke his hand because he ran into a fence, hence his twitter handle (Irunintofences). He also played club baseball at the U for four years and thought he was good, but then he realized he was playing against JV hopefuls. Marshall picks his fantasy lineup off of projections rather than who the actual players are. This strategy failed him miserably last year as his team was tied with Rustad for the bottom dwellers. Marshall currently resides in the Twin Cities where he works at a liquor store where he makes little to no money and pays a lot of money to attend grad school. Some call it the American Dream, he calls it being poor.
Micah "Choke City" Megorden - Chubby Mahomie
Choke City or Big Mike as most call him is the life of the party. When you hear Cupid Shuffle over the speakers at a party/bar/club you know Mike is going to hit that floor harder than anyone before him. Mike was finally able to win last year after multiple years of choking when it matters most, Marshall tended to be his kryptonite until Marshall had an awful team which paved Mike's way to the ship. Mike works at some healthcare company doing something that makes him money. He also once started to train for a marathon and soon realized it is far faster to drive 26.2 miles than run 26.2 miles. Look out for Mike to have a good team but if Marshall is in the playoffs he will once again lose when it matters most.
Kyle "Club Hockey All-Star" Ambrosie - Lost and Leaderless
Que "Oh Canada" before you start reading. The only canuck of the group has lived the life since his JR year of High School. He went back to the motherland for two years to play hockey and become the second D1 athlete of the family. After they told him he extended his welcome he headed to the East Coast to play hockey there. After a year of Clam Chowder and Sam Adams he took his talents to Tucson, AZ where he fulfilled his dream of D1 hockey, but at the club hockey level. A lifelong Dman they moved him to forward for his nimble speed and the sickest wrister west of the Mississippi. After two years he decided to hang it up and move back to the FM area because he missed Nicole. Now he is in year 5 or so of his degree in engineering, no idea how he is smart enough to do that. Secretly I believe he is just living off Nicole's success and coaches hockey to show everyone how good he once was.
Brandon "The Transfer" MacLeod - Dylan Dilly Bop Deavy
MacLeod joined the league last year and is fitting in just well. In high school Macleod was "too good" to play hockey in West Fargo so he transferred to Moorhead to get that D1 offer. Like most kids he found out what alcohol was and those dreams went down the drain like his insides after a night of Karkov and Boxer. After high school he attended Concordia where he somehow graduated with a business degree and even got a job. Today he continues drinking but has upgraded to Coors Light and Svedka. He is still stuck in the glory days of high school, maybe one day he will finally move on.
Andrew "D1" Strand - Two Defenses One Kupp
Strand is the only Division 1 athlete out of the group. It is really hard to believe that he was the only one to make it, but hats off to him for getting there. Strand is into some underground rap music and seems to know a lot about every sport we talk about. Andrew is currently studying to become a teach and probably doing a lot better than Marshall in that category. He coaches hockey where his claim to fame is scoring 4 goals in his last mite hockey game, he then decided to hang up the skates after a once in a lifetime performance. He now gets kids to attempt his feat at a much higher level, but no one has been able to come close under his reign.
Brooks "Sunshine" Miller - California Dreamboats
Miller is also known at "The Rat." Miller was the ideal athlete going into High School, was the starting SS and Pitcher on the baseball field, the QB of the football team and was J.J. Redick on the hardwood. The only downside was as other kids got bigger and stronger he stayed at about 130 pounds on a good day. He ended up being the 3rd string QB and starting PG on his Church League team. But coaches find talent and Brooks ended up at UM-Crookston on a baseball scholarship under the great Chris Vito. In Miller's first year he finish second in school history in single season wins on the mound with 3.... In his second year he took a 90+ mph fastball to the forearm which broke his arm and hung up the cleats. Miller after bouncing around found his home with the snowbirds and Rustad while producing radio shows. Oh I almost forgot, he has a really cool blue Mustang he gets to drive. You could say he is living the dream.
Grant "The Blonde Kid" Borgen - Chrameis GodWinston
Grant grew up with 3 sisters so you can feel a little sorry for him. During that time he got really good at Pokemon on the GameBoy and learned how to sweet talk the ladies. In high school he played football and Church League basketball. One thing that he is still proud of to this day is that he was the number 3 drummer in the world in Rock Band. After High School he took his talents to Boston College where he tried so many times but could not win any intramural championships. He majored in business where he was able to secure a desk job making a lot of money in the Twin Cities. He now owns an apartment downtown, has season tickets to the Wolves and drives a BMW. I mean can you think of a cooler life than he has had so far? Oh and he is becoming the number 1 Twins fan even though he does not watch the games.
Tyler "Hooded Bandit" Rustad - Keenan and Bell
A.K.A Auto-Pick King, Tyler is the Taco of our league as you are almost guaranteed a win when you play Tyler. In the past two seasons Tyler has piled up a whopping 6 wins. He has said multiple times he is just building for the future but this is the first year we will do a keeper league, whatever helps you sleep at night. Tyler is looking to win more than 3 games this season as he has the 7th pick of the draft. He was a great golfer in High School but when he went to St. Cloud State he found out what booze and Netflix were and that's all she wrote. Now Tyler resides in sunny Arizona where he hangs out with the local snowbirds.
Jesse "Notre Dame" Doschadis - Watson Your Wallet
Jesse was the guy in high school that tried to be really good at sports but was replaced at QB by a lefty and was a 3rd line grinder on the hockey team. His claim to fame is scoring a goal at the State Hockey Tournament as a senior. His goal in life was to be the starting QB at Notre Dame but we all know where this story goes. Even though he had a huge heart and was 5'9" in High School he decided to walk on at Concordia and play in the secondary. We thought maybe he would be the next Rudy but he decided he was going to pay over $45,000 a year on school he would stay closer to home. Once he graduated he secured a big boy job in Bum Fuck Nowhere MN being in charge of an old folks home. On the weekends you can find him cuddling with his dog, hunting or stealing his neighbor's wifi. Yes, he steals his neighbor's wifi even though he has a full time job. It wouldn't surprise us if he slaps a sign on his way to work that says "Play like a champion today," to make him feel like he is at Notre Dame.
Alan McCaulley - Unsolicited Dak Pics
A 2019 new owner to fill the role Dylan left, Alan joins the league with a lot of experience since he CHOSE D2. Alan was the starting Right Tackle at SMSU where to this day he will show you his impeccable pass blocking. He now lives in the hood where he has two dogs and a wife, straight up living the American Dream. In the last 3 years Alan has lived in 2 apartments and 2 houses, his oldest dog Bella doesn't actually know what a "True" home is as shes always on the move. He currently sells technology to places like your local nursery and recently decided to coach baseball... the head coach must have been desperate for help. If you give him enough Stoli he will belt out the greatest rendition of Happy Birthday, highly highly recommend for the entertainment value alone. He definitely showed he belonged in the group at the draft where he shotgunned beers as if they were shots of Stoli.
Gone But Not Forgotten
Dylan "Dilly Bop" Deavy - 2015-2018